You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
