i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
