It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
