How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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