try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
