U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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