WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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