no, he came in my armpit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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