Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
