i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
