You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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