remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
