If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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