There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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