Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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