Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize