you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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