wrigley field is MILF paradise
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Randomize