dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
