You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
