3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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