She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
