Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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