Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
