the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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