Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
