ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
