I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
