It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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