The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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