Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
