Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
