i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
