and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
