i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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