you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
