shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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