On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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