do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
