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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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