I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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