I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize