It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize