loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
