Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
