Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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