The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
