If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's like heaven, but drunker
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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