so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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