if you like me you must not know who I am
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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