well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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