he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you never un-have a 4some
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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