Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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