she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
