guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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