NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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