I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
