At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
