This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
