Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
