dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize