They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
