so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
