he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
