lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
