All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
