im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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