Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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