I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
