well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
