so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
