If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
