I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
