he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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