How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
