dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
