there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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