a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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