Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
