i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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