WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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