Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
