I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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