Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
