imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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