I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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