two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
