I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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